Social Intelligence

Daniel Goleman’s Emotional Intelligence (1996) was delightful. Its topic shares common ground with informal learning. Both are about behavior that’s right under our noses. When you hear the backstory, it seems so obvious you wonder why you hadn’t made the connections before. Both say we’ve been barking up the wrong tree, Goleman that the human medium is the message and I that most real learning happens outside of class.

Emotional Intelligence was such a great concept that I’m surprised I became bored with it, choosing to follow the wisdom but not the continuing literature: Working with Emotional Intelligence, Leading with Emotional Intelligence, Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child, Emotionally Intelligence Parenting, The Emotionally Intelligent Workplace, Destructive Emotions, and others.

Dan Goleman is a brilliant author. Twenty years ago, I savored his columns on psychology in the New York Times. And now I’m looking forward to reading Social Intelligence, which I one-click ordered from Amazon ten minutes ago. I’ll probably become a fan again.

The early reviews for the new book told me what Emotional Intelligence was missing. That book, like psychology until quite recently, focuses on the individual. You fill out a questionnaire and get your EQ. Not much different from IQ except that we’ve recognized that IQ is a fiction. Which of Howard Gardner’s multiple intelligences is IQ measuring, anyway? EQ doesn’t exist unless you’re interacting with others. And that’s why I want to dig into Social Intelligence: it’s about relationships. (Isn’t everything?)

Amazon’s unattribued editorial review says:

Our reactions to others, and theirs to us, have a far-reaching biological impact, sending out cascades of hormones that regulate everything from our hearts to our immune systems, making good relationships act like vitamins—and bad relationships like poisons. We can “catch” other people’s emotions the way we catch a cold, and the consequences of isolation or relentless social stress can be life-shortening. Goleman explains the surprising accuracy of first impressions, the basis of charisma and emotional power, the complexity of sexual attraction, and how we detect lies. He describes the “dark side” of social intelligence, from narcissism to Machiavellianism and psychopathy. He also reveals our astonishing capacity for “mindsight,” as well as the tragedy of those, like autistic children, whose mindsight is impaired.

These days, location, location, location doesn’t matter. Accomplishment comes from connections, connections, connections.

Social Intelligence and Informal Learning have that sort of relationship.